Zack, the standup comedian (?)

I had a rediculous conversation at Starbucks this morning.

I was there fairly early — like 6:30 or so — and the place was dead. Just me and the baristas…

I ordered my coffee and sat down with my Bible and after a few minutes, the shift manager comes around the corner.

Now I don’t really know this guy. I don’t know his name or much about him. I just know from frequenting the Starbucks at 54 and 55 in Durham that he’s the shift manager and that he likes to joke, and often comments about the relative attractiveness of the customers. And he just knows that I come in once or twice a week, pretty early in the morning, and get a regular coffee and read my Bible, and then get a refill and go to work.

So, enough context… he walks around the corner and stands there for a second, and then:

Barista (hear a pothead/surfer dude accent): “So what do you do for a living?”

Me: “I make software for gas pumps.”

Barista: “Oh really?”

Me: “Yeah. Like if you ever get your gas at Sheets and pay with a credit card at the pump — that’s stuff I work on.”

Barista: “Oh. Cool man… Hey, you know what I always think when I see you?”

Me: “Uh.. no. What?”

Barista: “I think you should be a standup comedian. Like… you just look like a comedian to me.”

Me: “Oh. Wow. That’ funny.”

Barista: “Yeah. It’s like, every time I see you I just smile… but like I’m not gay or anything. Just… have you ever seen The 40-Year-Old Virgin?”

Me: “No”

Barista: “Oh… well, like, there’s a kid in the movie who looks like you. You should like, write some jokes on index cards or something.”

Me (cracking up): “No kidding. I’ll have to tell my wife… so what would you do if I came in here with all my hair cut off?”

Barista: “Wow. Well I guess I’d take you seriously.”

End of conversation…

So, the moral of the story: apparently I need to get a haircut if I want to be taken seriously…

Who knew?


  1. Okay, first of all I’m blown away that you go to that Starbucks since it is RIGHT BY my office. Second, I absolutely love the people that work there. They are always super nice and awesome to be around – we get their gift cards for various work things (and I buy like 50 at a time) and they are always so cool about it (it’s a lot of work for them to process that many). They even give me free coffee and snacks when I do it. My girls and I go there at least twice a week to get a coffee fix and to get out of the office for a few minutes.

    Now that you know all that, I’m wondering when we are going to get together for lunch or coffee when you’re in Durham! I can’t do that kind of early morning (Isaiah’s school doesn’t open until 7:30), but I could do an afternoon coffee break or lunch or something! WE need to work that one out…

    As far as you being a commedian, I don’t know about the hair… Maybe I know you too well – to me you’re just Zack and a great guy who loves him some Jesus and an awesome wife (who I love) and an adorable kiddo. Did you wonder if maybe it was the Jesus in you that makes the dude smile, he just doesn’t know?

  2. That’s hilarious. Matt just cut his mop off yesterday, and he definitely looks like a different person. There might be something to it. Or maybe he has some kind of thing for that comedian carrot-top?

  3. That’s so strange. My chiropractor told me yesterday and that he thinks I should become a chiropractor. Who would have thought. I should be a doctor and you should be a comedian. Sounds good to me!

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