Eternal Earth-Bound Pets

You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved.  But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind?

Who hasn’t asked themselves this question?

I know Stephanie and I have had several heated arguments about this.

I say, “Hey, we all know those crazy people next door wont be going. They’ll surely take care of the animals.

Then she gets upset and contends that, surely, all dogs go to heaven.

OK. Enough with the sarcasm.

We actually don’t even own any animals. We have very loose beliefs about the reality and nature of the rapture. And if it does happen, I hope with all my heart that our neighbors won’t be here afterwards.

But of all the crazy products and services available these days*,  I bet you’ve never heard of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA.

Take ultra-opportunistic American capitalism, add diverging worldviews, and you get a service offered by atheists, specifically for pre-millennial evangelical christians.

No seriously.

See for yourself:

atheist-pet-service

They introduce their service like this:

You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved.  But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind?   Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

They go on:

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each
Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward.  Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 20 states and growing.  Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to  rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet’s natural life.

This would be a hilarious joke, except I’m pretty sure they’re serious…

Which makes it tragic

Someday, these people will stand before God, and they will have nothing to say. The weight of regret for their ignorance and arrogance will be intolerable in the presence of a God Who does not stand to be mocked.

And all of us christians who mis-represent Jesus —

-who make Him look weak and marginalized and culturally irrelevant

-who fail to communicate with our lives the weight of sin and the glory of the cross

-who make these people feel comfortable believing that followers of Jesus are simple-minded fools who follow a tinkling bell

…what will we do on that day?


*The ‘Snuggie’ is a great example, as Mike points out.

9 comments

  1. Hi all,

    Don’t worry about us, when we stand before God aka The Flying Spaghetti Monster, He will serve us pasta with His Noodley Goodness. 😉

    But seriously, as for: “…. believing that followers of Jesus are simple-minded fools who follow a tinkling bell/”

    I don’t know about tinkling bells, but Yes, we have received a significant number of subscribers to our service.

    Best regards,
    Bart

  2. That ain’t all there is. There is already services out there that will email your friends and relatives after the rapture. They encourage you to include any banking details your family may need to access your resources after you’ve gone. Hmm. Firstly if the world has just been thrown into kaos by the rapture, who’s going to be checking their email? Secondly doesn’t it sound like a bad idea leaving banking details in the care of a stranger.

  3. WOWWW. I worry about my babies everyday but I never even thought that someone would create something so out there! I have begun to make myself think that my babies will go to heaven. At least it will make me feel better. That book that I read about Heaven said that in the Bible it says something about how God knows what you truly love and he wants you to be happy in heaven and that maybe that means letting your pets come. I hope so.

  4. @Bart – Thanks for your comment! I’m glad to know a name to put behind the website.

    Your response is couched in humor, but we both know that the topic of God’s existence is far too important to be a joke.

    I’m reminded of something that C.S. Lewis once said,

    “A man can no more diminish God’s glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, ‘darkness’ on the walls of his cell.”

    By the very essence of how God created, you must worship something. You either choose God, or something lesser. And eventually you will see God as He is, and when you do, you will worship Him, because we know from the scripture that every single person ever born *will* give God the glory He is due, whether with joy or in terror.

    It is my heart’s desire that you will choose the former in this life, while you have the chance. And for that reason, I’m praying that God will destroy every idol in your life. I pray that He will remove every false savior, every substitute joy, every distraction until His existence, love, and justice haunt you and you have nowhere to turn and nothing to do but surrender, repent, and find the purpose for which you were made!

    Please don’t hesitate to contact me with any questions if or when that process becomes evident!

  5. I am a post-tribber. If things get bad and we need to eat the dog we will just call it chinese food.

  6. John, that made me laugh out loud!

    Did you know that if you go back and read through the history of the church, nobody cared enough about the ‘rapture’ to even give it a name until about 200 years ago?

  7. Bart,

    I am a HUGE animal lover, as well. My two dogs are a lot like my “kids” since my husband and I don’t have any. A lot of things that they do remind me a lot of my relationship with God. I know you are not interested, but hear me out for a minute.

    Dogs, especially strays that were taken in to a home, were never told to trust humans, they just do. Indoor dogs especially get OVERWHELMED with joy to see you return home, even if you were only gone for a few minutes. They can’t talk to us, they don’t know what is to come, they don’t know where we have been all day, or why we left, they just have complete trust in us. That we will provide them food, water, and shelter. In the same way, although we can not see God, he does the same for us and all we need to do is trust. If you ever had a relationship with God, you would not need to see him to know that he is there. He proves it to you everyday in other ways.

    I am sure that you probably have a dog and you probably give him/her flea medicine and/or heart worm pills. If your dog is anything like mine, they really dread this time of the month. BUT they allow us to give them what is necessary because they have faith that we are not going to hurt them. Likewise, when they have to go to the vet for yearly shots, they probably REALLY hate that time, but they still have faith. They don’t turn around and bite you, they trust you. We do things like this to make them stronger and we know this is what they need. In my mind, this reminds me of what God does in our lives when he deals us cards that we completely don’t understand, or that scares us. In the end it is to make us stronger, but we don’t know that without faith.

    Sometimes it confuses me how a dog can love SO unconditionally on knowing so little, and yet people have so much knowledge at their fingertips and find it strange or inconvenient to give their CREATOR the time of day.

    This may not make much sense at all, and even if it does, you may not care. This train of thought somehow helped to break things down to me at one time and I just felt like I should share it.

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