Ever since we started sharing this fourth pregnancy with friends and family last Fall – and especially in the complete insanity of the last 4 weeks – we’ve heard a bunch of variations on “what the heck are you thinking“?

It’s no secret that kids are extremely expensive and – especially when they are very young – exhausting.

Each kid takes you further away from the likelihood of achieving the “American Dream” of a huge house, nice cars, nice vacations, and retirement to the beach at 65. More expenses and more responsibilities just don’t mesh well with the new pragmatism of “do what feels good”.

Ainsley is number 4 in our family and her oldest brother isn’t even in kindergarten yet. Oh, and the six of us are sharing about 1,400 square feet of living space for now.

What were we thinking?

Wasn’t 3 enough?

Couldn’t we at least wait a couple of years?

Did we really think this through?

Not that we owe the world an explanation, but this picture right here is the primary reason that we chose to grow our family again so soon.

I remember sitting at breakfast and Stephanie telling me: “I really can’t imagine growing up without a sister. I think every girl needs a sister… someone to cry to when a boy breaks your heart or get manicures with or eventually to spend hours on the phone with. Only a sister can do those things.”

So we prayed about it and God quickly responded by blessing Kharis with a sister.

And – I’m not sure if you can tell from the picture – but she’s kind of excited.

On a daily basis, she lays next to her sister and stares at her… talks to her… sings to her.

Don’t ask me at 9:30 at night when I’m about to pass out from exhaustion – but I am totally certain that we are walking the road God laid out for us.

Something that Stephanie and I have in common is a shared sense of isolation over the past several years. Though there are several men who I consider to be my brothers, I don’t see or talk to any of them on a regular basis. My soul craves community that I can’t seem to find or create in this season of my life. And I know that Steph often feels the same way.

I know a lot of it is circumstantial: where we live, where we go to church, where we went to church, young kids, etc.

I’m not blaming anyone. Just giving some context.

I still haven’t quite figured out how to have a better community in my own life, but God has definitely grown in us a conviction that a big family will be good for our kids in the long run.

…even if it almost kills us in the short run 🙂



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